Army Comp Leads to Several Deaths - In an attempt to raise its ever diminishing “rich white boy” demographic, the United States Army set up a comp here on the Harvard campus.
Kerry Lotteried Out of American Presidency - John F. Kerry was shocked to discover that he had been lotteried out of "The American Presidency." As a result, he will have lost the opportunity to be the nation's 44th president unless he quickly emails the head TF.
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Michael Steele “Gaffe” Proves Genius - When Michael Steele accused Sasha Obama of being anti-Semitic last week, it seemed the RNC chairman had made the political gaffe of the century. Now, it is becoming clear that the comment was all part of an incredibly shrewd political maneuver.
Pedophiles Express Concern Over Childhood Obesity - The pedophile community last week expressed dismay over the recent rise in childhood obesity, adding its voice to the chorus of physicians and dieticians concerned with expanding waistlines in our schools.
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Gutenberg Invents Printing Press - In what will probably go down in the history books as one of man’s greatest inventions, Johannes Gutenberg has discovered a way to produce ammonia from hydrogen and nitrogen at the industrial level. In lesser news, he has also found a way to automate the writing process.
Olympics Relocated to Middle School Gym - Prompted by mounting concerns over delays in the construction of Olympic venues, organizers of the 2004 summer games have opted to relocate many events to a central Athens middle school gym
Army Puzzled by Afghani Dialysis Machine Trade - Despite the attention that the opium trade in Afghanistan has been given, a recent development gave Pentagon officials pause for reflection: the Afghani dialysis machine black market.
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