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Harvard Local National International Miscellaneous Editorials
Harvard
Our President Shakes Like A Woman - An Editorial By Alan Wright ‘09 - The handshake has long been seen as a demonstration of authority. The Stone Age saw cavemen handshake on agreements. In disagreements, this devolved into a fatal game of mercy.
Recent Studies Project Freshman 15 to Approach Freshman 150 at Harvard - After this year’s removal of the calorie
cards, Harvard University Dining Services forecasts that the Freshman 15 will inevitably balloon to 150. Complementing
the staples of various sandwiches,
salads, and pasta will be deep-fried Twinkies, fried ice cream, batter-dipped Oreos, and processed lard.
Local
Twinkie Defense Pretty Much Explains Area Man’s Entire Life - After many years of fumbling to find an excuse for his ineffectual life, John Stottard has struck gold.
Knicks Fans Blame Isiah Thomas for Mortgage Crisis - Coping with a losing record and a growing home mortgage crisis, New York Knicks fans are blaming head coach Isiah Thomas for their misfortune.
National
Report: Britney Spears Killed 37 Tamagotchis; Family and Friends Failed to See Warning Signs - Inside sources claim Britney Spears’s family and friends failed to intervene when the troubled pop star’s poor parenting skills resulted in the deaths of 37 Tamagotchi digital pets in the early 1990s.
Congress Opens Up Ted Kennedy's Body for Fuel Exploration - In a turn of events heavily lobbied by the oil industry, Congress resolved today to allow exploratory fuel drillings on Ted Kennedy's torso
International
Osama bin Laden Protests News Feed - When Osama bin Laden jokingly Facebook-friended George W. Bush in late 2005, he didn't know that Mark Zuckerberg's team would one day create the News Feed
Swaziland Test Fires Pistol - Despite warnings from the international community, the Kingdom of Swaziland announced last Tuesday that it has successfully test-fired a pistol