Satire V
Harvard Local National International Miscellaneous Editorials
Inside this Issue

Ronald McDonald No Longer "Lovin' It" With All Those Heart Attacks

Bootleg Osama bin Laden Tape Released in China 3 Weeks Early

Ralph Nader Runs Against Area Man for PTA

Extreme Sports 6: Religious Extremism

Putin to Kasparov: King Me

Mom Can't Wait to Clean Up All Your Shit

From The Archives

Special Feature: Top Ten Alcohol Safety Tips: Freshmen joining the Harvard class of 2010 were forced to take a six-hour session on alcohol safety before arriving on campus. After deep scrutiny, Satire V has discovered that the course overlooked some important alcohol information: Read More

Featured Personal Ad

Masked vigilante seeks young boy to act as sidekick. Acrobatic skills, latent homosexuality a must.

Miscellaneous

Scientist Claims Other Weapons Besides Shotgun Effective Against Zombies

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In the discovery of the decade, Michael Fineman, some sort of scientist at UCLA, has released a press release stating that other weapons, besides shotguns are effective against zombies. Read More

Satire V's Advice for Summer Internships

How to land that perfect summer job. Read More

Cab Driver Not Sure Where He’s Supposed to Use the Bathroom

Five hours into his first day as a cab driver, Scott McKinney is already uncertain as to whether he will continue in the profession. Read More

Kid Hopeful That Forged Note Will Get Him Out of Field Day

Fifth grader Mikey Lawless is hopeful that he has finally penned the note that will allow him to skip his school’s Field Day. Read More

Trojan Releases Penis Flavored Condom

The world of flavored condoms was rocked yesterday as Trojan released a secret flavor long in development. The new "penis flavored" condoms come at the head of extensive scientific research into men's nether regions. Read More

Elmo Celebrates 21st Birthday

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Beloved child star Elmo celebrated his 21st birthday in style earlier this month. This marked not only the anniversary of the muppet's first stitching, but also his introduction to what Oscar the Grouch referred to as "sweet lady liquor." Read More

Tragic Death Inspires New Lifetime Movie

Not all hope was lost for Bertha Rinskertang after she failed to hang herself and accidentally fell off a 30 story building into a rusty junkyard. Indeed, the 14 year-old aspiring actress may posthumously get the fame she craved now that the Lifetime Network has announced their intentions to create a movie in honor of her tragic and unexpectedly pathetic death. Read More

50,000th Member Joins “Save Darfur” Facebook Group

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In a shocking occurrence, the 50,000th member has joined the “Save Darfur” Facebook group, causing activists everywhere to rejoice that Darfur is now saved. Read More

We are not so different, you and I, reports Arch-Enemy

In what is widely regarded as a last-ditch effort to distract you while he retrieves a small pistol concealed in an ankle holster, your arch-enemy has reported that you and he are not so different. Read More

Jesus’ Last Supper More Like Last Buffet

After centuries of scholarly analysis, art historians have concluded that Jesus’ last meal was “less a simple supper and more an all-you-can-eat, Vegas-style gluttony fest.” Read More

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