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Inside this Issue
ESPN to Host World Waterboarding Competition Guy Wearing Flip Flops Didn't Expect to Get Chased Colin Powell Shocked to Learn he is Black While Reading own Wikipedia Page Frosty Ground Up, Sold As Children's Drink Eyes, Nose and Mouth - Still in Fashion! Hamburgler Arrested for Molesting Wendy's Girl From The Archives
Bush has the Endurance, but Kerry has the Reach - Editorial by Don King: Ladies and Gentleman, sitting to either side of me you see the two greatest warriors ready to take the greatest stage in the greatest nation of all time. Two ruthless ruffians, fluent in fisticuffs Read More Featured Personal Ad
Masked vigilante seeks young boy to act as sidekick. Acrobatic skills, latent homosexuality a must. bruce@batcave.net |
Local
Area Man Says The Word ‘Movie’ Funny
An enterprising group of young adults discovered that one among them says the word ‘movie’ in a totally hilarious way.
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Local Man Isn’t Sure How to Get into The Olympics, But Will Give it a Shot Anyway
Notorious Wife Beater to Starbucks: “You Call This Shit Coffee?”
Twinkie Defense Pretty Much Explains Area Man’s Entire Life
After many years of fumbling to find an excuse for his ineffectual life, John Stottard has struck gold.
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Area Mom Wants You to Try Her Banana Bread
Dad Resigns from Position to Take Job with Secretary
There is going to be more food to share these holidays, following the abrupt announcement of your father, who has since tendered his paternal resignation and will take a new job with his secretary.
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Squirrels Bury Human Skull Next to Chestnuts
Santa Unable to Bring Back Daddy
Molly O’Monahan, a mean eight years old, didn’t want the new Hannah Montana Young Ladies Bra for Christmas this year. She didn’t want Guitar Hero 27. She didn’t even want a pony. She just wanted to get her recently divorced father back. Santa has been unable to deliver.
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How to Protect Your Home From: BURGLARS
Local Diwali Celebration Devolves into Rosh Hashanah
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