Chile, Briefly: Adventures in Llamaturgy

Miscellaneous - 2004

By Laura Troyani

At the start of my semester in Chile, I wasn't quite sure what to expect, aside from shows of machismo by skeezy Chilean guys and cheap consumer good thanks to a relatively strong American dollar. But the most obvious difference between us and them, I found out, is the way couples behave in public here. The spit-swapping tongue sucking gropefest is typical. Don't let the Catholicism fool you: Chileans are an amorous people. Perhaps I should have been tipped off by the pamphlets in currency exchange houses advertising sex shops (it turns out that foreigners are an amorous people too). No, I found out for myself walking through a park on a sunny day, seeing Chileans young and old finding time to explore each other in a very biblical way. What I at first thought was a father kissing his daughter goodbye was really just a sexagenarian having sex with a high school student. I know love is blind, but I'm not, so keep it indoors!

More subtly, one cannot help but be overwhelmed by the quantity of mayonnaise and avocado used in this country. Avocado paste is found in pump containers in any fast food restaurant. Mayonnaise is even more common; just as we might use water liberally to wash our fruit, Chileans use mayonnaise liberally to coat their vegetables. And the two condiments are united in the unholy completo, a wrinkly hot dog topped with ketchup, mustard, onions, tomatoes, and then drowned in mayonnaise and avocado puree. Available for about fifty American cents, it's a real steal.

After these stomach turning experiences, I felt it was time to indulge myself by finding that fun, furry, angry animal that everyone loves – the llama. There were only disappointing zoo llamas in Santiago, but while visiting a nearby beach town I saw the surliest, orneriest llama ever tied to a street bench. I was quick to get a photo of myself with this fine creature, all the while fearing it would spit on me. Now I have my sights set on finding an alpaca.

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