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Special Feature: Top Ten Alcohol Safety TipsMiscellaneous - 2006 Freshmen joining the Harvard class of 2010 were forced to take a six-hour session on alcohol safety before arriving on campus. After deep scrutiny, Satire V has discovered that the course overlooked some important alcohol information: - If you pour a liter of vodka through a Brita filter, its quality improves. If you pour a liter of vodka in your roommates mouth, he dies. - Whiskey dick is a life choice. - You're not drinking alone if your webcam is on. - Beer before liquor? Never been sicker. Liquor before beer? You must have dyslexia. - You have to set limits for yourself. You should never grope more than you can handle. - You can't get pregnant if you're drunk. - That counts double if you're a dude. - For detailed information on how to make friends while drinking, contact SatireV at SatireV@hcs.harvard.edu. - For you non classics majors, "binge" is Greek for "sexy." - Everyone has a different tolerance for alcohol. A rule of thumb: never drink more than you can carry. If you need a handcart, it's in the super's office. |