Dad Resigns from Position to Take Job with Secretary

Local - 2009

There is going to be more food to share these holidays, following the abrupt announcement of your father, who has since tendered his paternal resignation and will take a new job with his secretary. 

Writing with magnetic letters on your fridge, your Dad wrote, “After dutifully serving as your father, it is with deep regret to inform you that I will no longer.  From here on out, I’m with Laverne, my secretary.” 

Your father specifically notes the lack of “pert breasts” and “children” as reasons for his resignation, but points out that he still loves you. 

“I might not be around to tuck you in, but I’ll be thinking of you as I raise my new family,” explains your father. 

Your mother is completely surprised by your father’s resignation, though she admits that the kiss stains on his shirts were a little suspicious. 

“F**k him,” says your mother, who is considering legal alternatives to shoving burning pokers up your father’s ass. 

Laverne, that tramp who stole your father, is unavailable for comment.  However your mother has several comments to make about Laverne.

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