Congress Outsources Iraq War to India

International - 2008

Facing rising casualties and insurmountable difficulties in Iraq, the US Congress voted yesterday to outsource the Iraq War to India.

India, a former US ally, will face the combined might of the US military. Soldiers, planes, and ships have all been relocated from Iraq and sent to India, where they will fight the terrorist threat present in India.

Since India has no terrorists, Bush is already declaring victory. At a press conference in the Rose Garden, Bush said “We’re done. We’ve beaten the terrorists at their own game – in India.”

But Democrats refuse to accept Bush’s victory speech. They call for the immediate withdrawal of all troops from India. With no troops yet in India, Democrats will be protesting Bush’s premature victory for weeks.

Several Republicans suggest that ending the Indian war is a lost opportunity. They note that several important US businesses were outsourced to India. With a different war, troops may be able to strong-arm the Indians into returning the jobs to Americans.

“We’re killing two birds with one stone, doing this outsourced war-thing,” explained Congressman Brad Stevens of Missouri. “It’s about time our hardworking Americans get their call-center, software- design, drive-thru order-taking jobs back.”

These officials are declaring war on North Korea and Iran, both members of Bush’s Axis of Evil. They hope these wars will be outsourced to China and Mexico, two other nations taking American jobs.

“The terrorists’ mark is right here,” says Stevens, gesturing to the drive-thru outside his car. Stevens later gestured to his children’s lead-painted toys, and to his Mexican nanny.

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